Words of Wisdom

Youth is wasted on the young.

Monday 10 March 2008

Monday Check-In


Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hottity HOT!

This is ridiculous, it's meant to be Autumn!!!! I can not begin to describe the heat. It has been relentless. Fortunately the aged cooler is working although, as it hasn't been switched off for the last 4 days, goodness knows whether it will survive the onslaught!

At 3.30pm this afternoon it was, once more, 40C on one of those roadside thermometers. I will tell you how hot that is; when I was hanging out the washing on Saturday, the first articles were dry on the line by the time I was hanging the last ones out! The grass crunches when you walk on it.

So what have we been doing to escape the heat?

Well, work has been taking up significant portions of my time. I have spent this weekend with all my maths resources spread over the family room floor whilst I sorted them into topics. Last week I struggled with fractions and Year 9 as well as the Year 10 'house project' and the lead up to the athletics carnival. (which I sincerely hope will be cancelled due to extreme weather conditions!!!)

Last weekend we had a visit from the Baby Angel's Sydney grandparents who stayed with my Mum and Dad and had a bit of a look around dear old Adelaide. They came to dinner at our place last Sunday (gone) and Himself did one of his magnificent roasts and all agreed that he was a 'jolly d' husband and stepfather and that their granddaughter was in fine hands. Even more notably, my ex father-in-law kissed me goodbye on Thursday night and said, "Congratulations. You're doing a fine job of raising that girl." My throat goes all tight even now thinking of it. High praise indeed. Makes it all worthwhile.

The most recent 'Flaming Sword' battles I have had were with myself. The BA's Old Friend rang a few weekends ago to ask if she could go for a sleepover (fine) and then on to the Shopping Mall the next day. Now I am not altogether enamoured of this teenage habit of congregating at shopping malls so I started to ask questions. Why are you going to the mall? Who's going to be there? How long will you be there? Do you have any money??

Imagine my shock when, in a conversation with the other mother, it transpired that BA's friend now has a BOYRIEND who is 15!!!! and that he would be accompanying them to the Mall. I don't know which bit shocked me more, the fact that the little girl I knew had a 15 year old boyfriend, or that her mother was ok with her going to the Mall with him!!!!! I think the mum sensed my discomfort because she started explaining how the kids were very sensible and she would pick them up and drop them off etc and they were going to the pictures.....

I didn't know what to say or think. I just knew it felt wrong. When we discussed it a bit more we finally realised that the BA's friend, although looking younger than the BA will in fact be 14 in March wheras the BA will not be 13 until May. This kind of age difference has mattered little up til now and will matter little in another 10 years time but right now it is thrown into sharp relief by the differing levels of freedom and responsibility they have.

"What do you think will happen?" asked the Mum as we mulled around the arrangements and I explained how uneasy I was.
"It's not that I think anything will happen," I struggled with the nagging unease,"It's just that...well she's only 12!!!" The nagging doubt started to solidify to concrete concern as I explored my feelings.
"You see, the Mall is a meeting place and I don't know the kids that hang out there. I don't know their parents, I don't know their attitudes and values and I don't know how they are going to treat my daughter. Well, I have a fair idea actually and I am not sure I am ready to expose her to that sort of stuff."

The thing is she looks older than 12....but she isn't! Teenage boys don't see that she's a baby, they see a prospect! And I don't feel that she's equipped yet to deal with that. Also, she was going to be wandering about with Old Friend and a 15 year old boy. There was a certain 'spare wheel' element that I thought may also be unnecessary for her to experience at this stage. Especially if they were going to the pictures!!! (Yes, I AM getting old)

Anyway, I decided to discuss it with her before I made a decision. I wanted to explain my concerns and hear her point of view. Amazingly, she was pretty receptive and expressed a certain reluctance to be a part of the outing herself! She was visibly disturbed by the fact that her long time friend had such an 'old' boyfriend and was also concern at wandering aimlessly around the shopping centre whilst the other two canoodled or held hands or whatever they did!!!!

The compromise was that she could go to the mall and see a movie and that I would meet her in the foyer afterwards to take her home. Himself thought I was being very 'over the top' in my protectiveness.

As it turned out, the other Mum rang me from the drop off to tell me which movie they were seeing and to let me know that two other boys were joining them after the movie.

TWO OTHER BOYS????????? THAT was not mentioned in the original plan!!!
TWO other boys????? All the more reason for me to meet up with them after the movie!!!!

When I turned up, with Small Boy in tow, it was a quite relieved BA who came to meet me. The movie had been ok (Jumper) but the other boys had turned up FOR the movie, not AFTER and had talked all the way through. (at least it was just talk!) They leapt into my line of vision to be 'introduced' and one rolled his little fedora hat down to his elbow and back up onto his head again as he greeted me. Good grief. Exactly the kind of inappropriate boys I would have been attracted to 30 years ago. We were outta there!!!!

Except that we weren't. I kept my cool and when there was discussion of lunch I told the BA that Small Boy and I needed to eat too and we would 'come with them'. Before you snort at my inappropriate over protectiveness may I just point out that I fully intended (and did) sit several tables away and pretend not to know them. Interestingly, the BA wanted to sit with me although as Small Boy was more than happy to discourage her in order to have my full attention, she eventually did go and sit with 'the gang'.

After lunch the girls came over and it seemed that the BA was ready to 'come home'. We actually did a little shopping first and got the Small Boy a haircut before we went home but she seemed happy to be back with us and held my hand as we browsed the DVD racks :-)
"You know mum," she eventually ventured," After (other Mum) left, the boys said...'so are we really going to this movie or are we just going to hang in the Mall?' I told them that my Mum was pretty unhappy about me coming here anyway so we better just see the movie."
I was so proud of her. Later that night as I put her to bed she said "Mum, I felt so young today."
"That my love, is exactly how you should feel and thank God for it!!!!"

Of course if she reads this now, I am dead. Nevertheless, I felt vindicated in my concerns and strengthened in my resolve to maintain the guard and reach of my Flaming Sword for that little while longer.

Another test came this weekend when she wanted to go 'shopping' with two other friends..again to the Mall. This time Grandma and I went with them and met up with them from time to time. They bought sombreros and purple fishnet stockings, giggled like loons and ate huge ice creams. All perfectly age appropriate activities. I think next time I might be able to leave the premises for an hour. Well, maybe the time after that.....



I've got no best shots this week. The heat has sapped me of all creativity.......



image credits

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Could you hear my heart breaking all the way over here? You did great cuz I was just thinking that boys (like the girls) don't travel alone. There's alway talk of, "I think she's bringing a friend." Way to go, Mom. I myself may just throw up the day that happens around here.

Blueberry said...

you have ridiculous heat and i have 18-20 inches of snow! this isn't what spring/autumn is supposed to be like is it??

Brittany said...

Wow. Sounds like a crazy world, out there. I don't understand why kids are wanting to grow up faster! The real world stinks, kids, stop trying to become grown-ups at age 12!

I guess I remember being that way. I always stomped about and pouted when my mom said I couldn't go someplace, with my friends, or see a boy, etc. I was 16 before I was even allowed to date... hmmm I DID get married at 18, but still... ha ha.

Keep her young! She will thank you for it in the long run!! :)

Anonymous said...

I think you are smart to be protective. Too much freedom too soon is NOT a good thing! My mom and I had several arguments about how all my friends were allowed to do things I wasn't, and she was over-protective, etc. Turns out, I was the only one of my original gang of friends who didn't have a baby before senior year of high school, drop out of class, and get married and divorced before I was 18. Needless to say, I am VERY thankful for a protective mother.

A Free Man said...

Exactly the kind of inappropriate boys I would have been attracted to 30 years ago.

God, I am looking forward to some hot!

Maggie said...

Wow - that is HOT! I am ready for a bit of warmer weather (and spring!) but I don't think I'm ready for that kind of heat. Especially when it's supposed to be autumn - ick.

What a big girl BA is getting to be - and so mature, to do what she what she told you she was doing! I always looked older when I was younger, and it ALWAYS ended up getting me into trouble. But I don't think I was quite as responsible as she is...

Hope that you cool off soon!

kim said...

I don't think you were over-protective at all! I might have insisted on going with her, so you're better than me.
You know what I don't get? It's the parents who don't get why we want to keep them safe and protected.

Anonymous said...

I am with you on this topic. More parental supervision, slow down the growing up...it happens quite nicely and appropriately given time...and that supervision.

Now find a cool spot to relax.

Andi said...

No snorting here; you did a FINE job of being as protective as you SHOULD be! Oh the world of the shopping mall and the movies....and lurking teenage boys. My sympathy is with you. I had such trouble when the daughter was that age! It is really a SHOCk when things like that start to happen...you are right to try and keep that away as long as possible!I offer little consolation; it only gets worse when they can drive to the location themselves. BA sounds like you've helped her have a good sound personality- honest and understanding. Way to go all around!
Your autumn heat sounds like our summer here in the south. I can not imagine trying to think much less conduct class in that heat. Good luck finding some shade, air condition, or a tall glass of something soothing.

natalie said...

I cringe at the thought of being the mother of a 'tween, although today it felt like I had a teenager in the house--I was told atleast 749 times that M did not love me.

I hope when it's my turn with a 12 year old that I'll have the courage to stand up for M's youthfulness the way you do. And I LOVE that you talk with her about your decisions so she's part of the decision making process. I'm glad she felt young. SHE IS. Hats off to you, my friend.

Anonymous said...

VIVA La Flaming Sword! GOOD for you - No, GREAT for you!!! Sounds like stuff I have done! When your gut is telling you something with that uneasy feeling, you should always listen!! Intuition is a powerful force we all could stand to pay more attention to.

And a big hooray for BA for listening to her gut and being ready to come home and sticking up for the original plan. etc. WAY TO GO GIRL!!!

One more side note - I giggled at Small Boy working to keep you for himself. That Flaming Sword is working on all fronts!
Elisa