Words of Wisdom

Youth is wasted on the young.

Saturday 27 October 2007

Colour Saturation Issues

I must read the manual for this camera. Apparently there is a saturation setting I need to adjust.

These are fund raising ribbons I was making with the Bestie and her parents this weekend.

We made one thousand of them! My fingers are quite calloused from the effort.






One of the topics of conversation was the school fete. The three of us had trooped off that morning to support Baby Angel's school. The BA was on her class stall from 11-12pm and the Bestie and I dutifully did the rounds spending the odd dollar here and there for a good cause. Now I may have mentioned this before but the Bestie and I do not share religious beliefs and it is with raised eyebrows, rolled eyes and pursed lips that she dutifully attends all events, functions and celebrations which contain any whiff of Christian fervour.

So this morning when she announced via phone call to a mutual friend from Melbourne, our fete plans, she was greeted with hoots of derision and the suggestion that she may be able to purchase a nice crucifix made of play doh (I think she refers to the lovely baked salt dough which is oft favoured for items on craft stalls). A rather unkind jibe to my mind.

Regardless, we made the sojourn and; observed Baby Angel on her 'Golddiggers Stall' (pick a pop stick out of the sand and see if you have won a prize); picked up a pot of coriander for me to attempt to grow in this drought; found a book of
Pam Ayres poems for 50c; bought this outrageous (but practical...after all it is reversible) hat for $1.00 and finally made our way into the craft stall. And what do you think we found there?
YES!!! It was the ubiquitous baked saltdough cross, cunningly decorated with cloves and topped with an attractive ribbon for easy display purposes!! The Bestie was thrilled.
She immediately purchased said cross, and could not leave behind these other delightful works of art although I feel her derisive laughter at the checkout was a trifle unnecessary. Still at a total outlay of 60 cents they gave her great pleasure and therefore value for money. We are still trying to work out exactly what the other two works of art represent but, after all isn't that the purpose of art: to make you think?
Interestingly, the fete also raised something of a Flaming Sword issue for me. Baby Angel was on her stall with her friends for an hour but after The Bestie and I had finished shopping she was keen to try everything there and wanted to 'stay on' with her friends. Now one friend lives within a few blocks of the school and walks to and from each day without supervision. She was at the fete on her own and the other part of the 'Best Friends Forever' Trio also seemed to be without a parent presence. The school is on an enclosed site and there were plenty of staff, pupils and parents around all of whom know both the Baby Angel and I and so I felt reasonably comfortable in leaving the three of them together to enjoy the fruits of the fair: listen to the school bands play; pat the Police Horses and other fete type activities. My Bestie lives a little over 5 minutes away from the school so it seemed sensible that we retired to do the ribbon thing while BA enjoyed herself with her friends. Without me. (*insert deep calming breathing, the type you do when you're in labour*) I would pick her up at 4pm when the fete had finished.

Now I have held off on the mobile phone thing for BA as I feel they are actually tools of the devil designed to lead children away from real relationships and into the swamp of cyber bullying (I am only slightly kidding here). They also cost a fortune and I don't think they are necessary. After all, there is a phone at the school office, she is at school with her friends anyway and they do NOT need to be texting each other during the school day and she has MSN and My Space at home so she has plenty of technology with which to send ludicrous, superficial messages in appalling 'textspeak' to her friends when they are cruelly separated by the torment of evening and family. She can also use the landline (what a concept).

So it was with an ironic spasm that I realised at about 1.30pm that I was feeling twitchy about what was happening over there without me and that I would rather have liked her to have had a phone on her so I could give her a quick ring. The weather was deteriorating with 30C heat under nasty, threateningly overcast skies and gathering gusts of hot north winds. What on earth had made me agree to 4pm? What if she was bored? Had run out of money? Needed something? She had strict instructions not to leave the school grounds and there was a phone in the school office after all (have I mentioned that before?) so she was sure to be alright. Wasn't she?

The ribbon making gang reassured me. I turned my thoughts back to the greater good and continued folding and pinning.

More time went by. 2.30pm. What was she doing over there for all that time? Perhaps I should just go and get her early. Again the gang assured me that if there was any problem she would get in touch...unless it was that I didn't trust her! Hmmmm. Was that it? Did I think she was up to 'no good'? No! And anyway, what kind of 'no good' are we talking about here? No! I thought, she would be fine. She's got a good heart and loves all her friends. There's people that know her all around her.

In hindsight, I think my feelings were more to do with guilt at having left her without informing any other adult. If something had happened, there was no adult there to whom she could turn who knew the full story, that I was only minutes away and easily reachable. No, I had simply left her on her own. By 3.30pm when a huge gust of wind carrying nasty, red dust tore through the Bestie's back garden, I downed ribbons and announced I was going to get her.

In truth I was glad to have the excuse of the weather. When I reached the school, nearly everything had been packed away and the place was looking pretty deserted indeed. After a quick search I found the Baby Angel up in the 'fort' at the top of the slide on the playground with about 4 of her friends. All boys. To be fair, they were all boys I knew and they have been in the same friendship group now for three years so I was not too worried but I also realised that with the exception of one, all their parents were there helping pack up. They had not been left 'on their own'. Also disturbing was the absence of her two friends who had 'left' ages ago.

Somewhat unreasonably I think, I gave her a hard time for not calling me when her girlfriends had left. She was understandably miffed and told me I worried too much, I was too overprotective and that nothing was going to happen. She then informed me that she had been very good when her girlfriend had run out of money and decided to go home and get more. She had told the friend that 'Mum had told her to stay on the school premises' and she could therefore not go with her. Good grief. Something else that could have gone wrong.

At the end of the day she was fine but I am left with a quagmire of emotion. What am I concerned about here? Is it her safety or is it what other parents will think? Is it the nagging sense that I am being a neglectful, lazy parent (hard on the heels of last nights events) or a reluctance to 'let go' of my girl and embrace the teenager? Hang on! She's only 12. She's not a teenager yet!!!!!!!!!! Was I neglectful? Was I just taking the easy route? I am unsure.

Perhaps it would all have been ok if I had simply spoken to one other person there and let them know I was leaving her. I am having to face my own convictions, which were so clear cut when she was young, and query whether I am being true to them or whether I am simply being a controlling, over bearing mother who is not giving her sufficient room to develop her independence and autonomy. I dunno. What do you think?

4 comments:

Rose said...

Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter, and it's hard to let them spread their wings - especially in this day and age! Don't be so hard on yourself. Even if everything closed down earlier due to the impending weather, an adult (one of the boys parents - most likely) would have stepped in and made sure she contacted you to come and get her. And remember - you also have entrusted her in God's hands.

It's hard, I know, but don't let what other MAY think affect you. It's obvious in your post that you are a good mum. After all, BA stayed on the school grounds...

I am also in full agreement with the cell phones. We didn't get one for Big brother until last year when he went to High School. It helps him communicate with us and with his mom. And he is not a big talker or text-messager. Lucky for us.

I know I will have to go through with Harrison what you went through this week only soon enough!

Just my two cents.
Warmly-
Rosey

jenny said...

Hello! It's been a long time since I visited!

Here's what I think---having an almost 12-yr-old son now (on Tuesday, BTW). He also does not have a cell phone, and there would be a dilemma for me in the same situation.

I think as I'm letting go and letting him have more freedoms, I'm learning also, and this was just a learning situation for you. You now know you'd feel better with another adult to know the situation---easily remedied next time. And you know that you'd feel better telling her an earlier time or have her call you half way through, from the school phone or something.

I'm still trying to figure out what's okay, and what's not. I go with my gut, and intellect, and then assess. It's not crazy or controlling---it's looking out for your kid! ;-)

Now I'm off to read the "bad mother" post.

Melody A. said...

Neglectful??? Not a chance. Do you know how many children on our street under the age of 7 (!) that wander around, riding bikes in the middle of the road, several blocks from their house, after dark? Why aren't those parents as worried as you are? I go through the same thing on a less mature level since N is just 6. She wants independence but she also has to be reminded of her limits. And I also remind her that I all changes if I can't trust her. It seems that you can trust BA. I would have been just as worried having left her there. But that's what makes you better.

Christina said...

Those are some hard questions you pose. It's a challenge to know how and when to hold our "babies" close and how and when to let them fly. I don't think there is one right answer. It's clear you have done well with her, since she is so responsible and trutworthy. I think you did the right thing, giving her some independence and freedom while still being close by and making sure she knew how to contact you.

I agree with you about cell phones for children. I see kids as young as 10 years old with thier old cells. Crazy!

P.S. I love it that Bestie found a saltdough cross. ;o)