Attrition and Abrasion of the Soul

As I dragged myself into the staffroom at 3pm, hot, sweaty, flushed and hanging out for a coffee, one of my colleagues entered from another door and innocently inquired as to where I'd been all day. "Out with the Year 10s to the coast," was my loaded reply and she grinned sympathetically and asked where we had taken them.

"Who cares?" I let fly. "We could have driven up and down the coast all day stopping at random intervals to let them off the bus and then loading them back on and they would have learned just about the same amount!"

My colleague shrieked with laughter as I continued. "We took them to Hallet Cove (above) where they complained bitterly about how they had to walk for miles and miles and miles and why couldn't the bus meet us at the end of the walk and why did we have to walk back again and why wasn't there a kiosk and why did we have to be on an excursion and 'this excursion sucks' and why do we have to walk along a beach????"

Hell. Poor kids. We made them WALK ALONG A BEACH. Someone should inform the United Nations or the NAPCC.

Then there was the steep walk down the 'hell stairs' that 'sucked' and were 'retarded' to the beach where they found CRABS!! And KILLED them! Yes folks. Leave a group of 14 year old boys alone with crabs on a beach for 3 minutes and they organise a crab fight and finish it off by smashing the crabs with rocks except for Bob who 'only killed it to put it out of its misery because it was already half dead because Phil had smashed it.....'

You think I'm making this up don't you?

Then you round them up and herd them up the 'retarded' stairs and why do we have to walk so far and I'm hot and I need a drink and I'm hungry and I didn't know there wasn't a kiosk here...what do you mean it was on the permission form Miss? Who reads those? And where are we going now and will there be a kiosk? and why do we have to do this anyway and I don't want to go on this bus I want to go with my friend on the other bus and now I've lost my bag...oh I think I left it on the other bus and how long will this take miss and what are the answers and oh I'll fill them in on the bus....

So we get to the next stop where we have lunch. We're already 45 minutes behind schedule and most of my educational interactions with the kids consist of 'hurry up', 'walk faster' and 'you're not in our group...go back to your teacher'. We arrive at the park for lunch and the lead teacher has already phoned us on the mobile to say don't worry about doing the questions at this stop, just read out the answers on the bus. We sit down in the beautiful weather (rain held off) and watch a group of 14 year old boys begin to engage in a food throwing contest across the park.

"Pick up the apples!!!!!!"

"But Miss, they'll biodegrade."

"Great! Let them do it in the bin."
(And you will biodegrade nicely too you little toerag if I terminate your miserable existence now as I am tempted to do and as you had no qualms about doing to the CRABS!!!! spoken under my breath)

OK. Back on the bus. What have we learned so far? Nothing at the extraordinarily beautiful cove with the phenomenal examples of glacial striations, erratics and spectacular wave cut platform with remarkable folding and weathering. Unless you count how much force it takes to kill a crab with a rock. OK maybe something then. Nothing at the picturesque historic park on the headland which was once the regular camp of the traditional Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains. Check. So where to now? Let's try looking at the urban uses of the coast further north towards the city and in particular the development of sea wall technology.

Or let's just see how much we can offend the proprietors of the local cafe by loudly accusing them of putting up prices for the students and asking to buy cigarettes whilst in school uniform.

You get the picture.

Actually I managed, through some divine intervention perhaps, to keep a sense of humour throughout most of this. At one point I saw one of my colleagues with his group gathered around his feet explaining intently and passionately how the glaciers had moved through the area and how the wave cut platform had been smoothed by the action of the sea. A glance at the bored faces of his 'audience' had reduced another colleague and I to helpless tears of laughter (unkind I know) and as he trailed up the 'hell' stairs past us we managed to stifle our snorting and call encouragingly to him;

Pearls before swine mate! Pearls before swine!!!!!!!!!!!!

You gotta laugh.

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