The Eighth Plague

Do I start with the plague or with the ruthless killer?
Himself always says that if you take a ruthless killing machine and put a bell on it, all you get is a ruthless killing machine, wearing a bell.
Exhibit A.Although she is the smallest of three felines, she is definitely the hunter. Caution is advised when stepping out of the bedroom in the mornings as there is often a 'gift' deposited somewhere in the hall. Geckos are a frequent choice, but over the summer there was a steady stream of mice and bogong moths culminating in what appeared to be a rat a week or so ago...*shudder*; normally the bastion of good sense and pragmatism, I had to get No2 Son to remove that one.

We have had birds, but mostly live. I'm not sure if this is better. One morning I stepped into the study to find a large New England Honeyeater, 'toes-up' on the floor, with Morticia sitting expectantly nearby. I guess her continued presence should have been a clue. Returning with a brush and dustpan I did a double take at the now empty floor and then, following the excited mews of Countess Bathory, looked up to see the 'victim' perched on top of the bookshelf. A wild pursuit followed, finished by the reliable 'tea towel over the bird' trick, after which the unfortunate creature was tossed off the balcony and alighted in the nearest tree to consider its good fortune.

Anyway, I digress; The Plague. the wet spring and mild summer resulted in a boom in the number of locusts mating and breeding in the south east of Australia.

Measures were put in place to spray the larvae before they got to a point where they could fly, and thus 80% of the plague was prevented before it could reach the fertile farming communities, the land groaning under the weight of the best potential harvest in years after the break in the drought. This didn't stop a significant number making it to the city. Back in March I sat in a conference room and watched the little devils drop out of the air conditioning ducts onto the tables in front of us. Not nice.

The locusts I'd seen in plague proportions at the pub one night, were brown and unremarkable. Imagine my surprise to find this fellowin my kitchen the other morning. He is, as my father would say, 'magnificent' is he not? He seemed to have escaped the clutches of the 'Black Widow' although he was pretty subdued and eventually disappeared on top of the kitchen cupboards, never to be seen again. He looks huge here but was actually only about 7cm long.

Unlike this monster.


Here is a scale photo taken by the BA (love those sandals!)

Disturbingly, when we got back from church he was gone. Now I don't know whether that was under his own steam, given his fairly sorry looking state when we found him, or whether he was devoured. I try not to think of it. Either way, that little black cat has a pretty dark side to her!







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SOOC Saturday: Faithful Cat

This cat thinks it's a dog.

That's Himself's legs back there in the shower.

It is uncanny how much that cat loves him! I feel somewhat slighted.

Melody and the gang have more candid snaps to share over at Slurping Life. Check it out.

Found While Sorting Photos Today

Need Some Help?

Look at her one white whisker. I keep wanting to pluck it for symmetry.

Of late Morticia has developed dog like habits, one of which is following Himself around. Her favourite sleeping place of choice is either his office chair or his side of the bed. We think she's a nicotine addict getting a vicarious 'hit'.

She has also taken to giving herself a dirt bath in a bare patch of ground in the lawn. Must work though. Her coat is beautifully soft. :-D

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

Life goes on.Yes, it is true. They are in the same room, they are both eating from their own bowls and at this point....no one is hissing at anyone else. Unlike the human members of our family.

And lest you think this is a 'fluke'

Mind you Pippin has a slightly nervous, watchful look going on there..

Family melodrama aside, this weekend the BA played her last netball match before the finals. The last time we played at this venue, Morialta Falls, the liquid factor was in full flight. Here's the photo from before the match, 2006. Check out the excitement at playing 60 minutes + in the pouring rain!!

Now, same location, two years later. Exactly the same weather.This cracks me up so much! Look how much she's grown. Not just in size but in ability to deal with the everyday crud of life. She is so awesome.

For the record, unlike 2006, the rain held off until after the game at which point it let fly in spectacular manner, followed minutes later by equally spectacular hail. We all managed to shelter under the ubiquitous Australian bull nosed verandah until the worst had passed and I am not ashamed to say that I am getting too old for all this extreme weather crap. Still, they are into the first round of finals next week.

No word from No2 Son. Not that I thought there would be yet.

Just a post script to all this mess. No 2 Son had thought he might go and stay with his mother who has moved to Canberra in the lat few years. I suggested that this was a great plan. Time to catch up with Mum, get away from the small town mentality of Adelaide and se a bit of the country. Unfortunately when he rang Mum to confirm this idea she told him that she didn't want him. Not in so many words perhaps but the message was clear. She actually rang Himself and said how she couldn't take No2 Son in more than short bursts as he was 'too intense'. Hello, welcome to my world!

No wonder the poor kid is fith (f***ed in the head)! Mean ole stepmother who won't let him get away with squat and a mother who can't cope with him!!

I am being very objective about this. My sharp tongue the other night was a trigger rather than a cause. He was ready to fly. I was just his excuse. I can live with that.

At the end of the day in situations like this my first port of call is prayer. There is certainly bugger all I can achieve here under my own recognisances.

Onward and upward mateys! Here's to our Aussie swim girls!!!!

Veterinary Emergency?

"Mum, Mum," called the BA in alarm, "something's wrong with Morticia!!!"

Morticia was stretched out on the ground with her tail in the air in obvious pain as she was meowling piteously. What on earth was the matter? Should we call a vet?

We petted her. She responded, but immediately lay down again and kneaded her front paws as soon as we stopped. She didn't seem to be in pain as we picked her up but persisted in this disturbing behaviour.

I was feeling panicked. Had she damaged a tendon or a muscle in a jump? Had she eaten something she shouldn't have? Lord knows she chews anything left lying around and there was a reeeeeaaallly hot curry left out on the kitchen bench. Perhaps she had got into that and was feeling the 'burn'? Perhaps eating the big cat's food had made her constipated? Perhaps he had given her one too many cuffs across the hind quarters?

I know what you're all thinking. How dumb can one woman be, right?
Well, in my defence all I can say is that all our previous cats have been spayed! It took me looking it up on Google (see photo above) to confirm that my little, baby kitten is in fact in heat!

I feel quite emotional.

I also feel a trip to the vet coming on.


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The End of a Long Week

Well thanks for the maths ideas folks and keep 'em coming. I'm still considering a prize for an idea I end up using and whilst I have a few ideas for the ladies, I am a little more stuck if any of you scientific type gentlemen come up with a winning project. I don't suppose you fancy a stylish knitted cushion cover do you? Naaaah. But don't despair! I will come up with something!!

I am happy to report that we have made it through the first week and my new classroom is almost feeling like home now. As is to be expected, the usual suspects of a 'room move' have gone missing: my set of scissors, a DVD, my set of glue sticks. Do you realise that glue sticks are like currency in the school setting? I had a boss in the UK who used to bribe us with glue sticks. I'm not kidding.
"Anyone who volunteers for this extra duty gets a free gluestick!" (hands fly up all over the room)

There have been no major meltdowns amongst the kids unless you count the VIQ (Vocational interest Questionnaire) which was an adventure in itself. Basically the kids have to fill in an online questionnaire which endeavours, through tricky questionnaire-type techniques like asking you the same thing twice, to determine which career interests you. Now this exercise sounds relatively simple but is, in reality, fraught with skill levels to challenge even a native english speaker of tender years. For example, how would your 15 year old self respond to the idea of

"consulting, analysing, planning and implementing strategy for the introduction and marketing of innovative products with production clients and prospective retailers."
Very appealing/ Like/Indifferent or Dislike?

Where was the button for 'Fail to Comprehend'?

There were many traps for young players, especially those with english as a second language and limited comprehension at the best of times. Consider for example, this question:

"Maintain and care for laboratory animals in a research facility."

Now most of the kids immediately saw the word 'animals', thought "I like animals" and hit the Very Appealing button. Another example was

"Organise finance and administration for sports and the arts."

You guessed it. Every prospective football or soccer player saw 'sports' and hit the Very Appealing button. As a result of this I spent a double lesson going through the quiz, question by question, trying to explain what each item was really about. There were 140 questions.

Any of you who are familiar with my Year 10s and their inability to follow directions will understand how harrowing a task this was. Firstly, some of them resented the suggestion that they didn't understand the questions so they were resistant to the whole exercise. Then came the inevitable chorus of 'where are we up to?' and 'I LIKE that one/That's ME /NO WAY that job SUCKS' which followed every explanation and which required precious seconds to settle before we continued on. Of course from time to time I would look across to one of the girls to see that she had replaced her questionnaire screen with MSN or a picture gallery of some rapper.....but apparently that was alright because she was 'ahead of us'. *sigh*

By the end of the lesson I was hoarse from explaining financial management and engineering 40 times and customer service and the printing industry 35 times. Hopefully, there is enough relevant detail in their answers to help the careers counsellor point them towards the right subjects next year. That's what the whole thing is actually about.


To celebrate surviving the first week back, Himself and I attended the Roosters' Gala Ball on Friday night where we had this rather nice (I think) picture taken. My husband actually brushes up ok in a suit I think!

(warning: girl's paragraph)
Unfortunately I am forced to report that I no longer fit into my ball gown. Well, I do fit but it is not a good look. As a result I wore the black baby doll we bought at Harbour Town Mum but because I am self conscious about my footballer's shoulders I also wore a jacket. Himself convinced me to take it off while we were dancing (yes, I actually got him onto the dance floor) and of course told me I was 'the most beautiful girl there' which was kind on one count and a downright lie on the other and I will leave you to figure out which is which! :-D

Finally, because we have been a bit short on pictures of the Baby Angel lately, here she is with both cats, yes, you read right, BOTH cats in the same room. And although Morticia seems relatively calm and ready for a cuddle here, I can assure you that she has once again simply taken the highest ground and is eye-ing Pippin off, awaiting her opportunity to attack.


Hasn't she grown though?













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Snuggling With Animals

Couldn't resist this shot. Hard to believe that sweet little face is capable of such mayhem!!!!

Pippin (the large cat) never gets a moment's peace. The minute he strolls in the door (actually, he now skulks through the door looking furtively around) she leaps upon him. He hisses. She stalks him. He growls. She leaps to high ground and swipes at him from above. He is thoroughly miserable. He can't even eat his food without Morticia stalking and biting his tail!!

Himself, who prior to the arrival of Morticia was Pippin's greatest critic (it was he who coined the term 'The Anti Pet') is now his greatest defender.

"That little cat needs to leave him alone! She needs to be disciplined not to attack him all the time!!! Poor Pippin. He's never allowed inside (not true: he chooses to absent himself) he used to have the run of the place and now he's got to wait for people to open doors for him. He's taken to sleeping under the tree!!! He's turning feral! SOMETHING should be done about that little cat!!!!"

"Yes dear."

And of course it doesn't help that Morticia's favourite sleeping place is in his chair. Himself's chair that is. The office chair that he occupies day and night. When it's vacant ;-)

"GET THIS FURBALL OFF MY CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes dear."

Big Cat Meets Little Cat

As you can see from the laid back nature of Pippin's ears.......the relationship is not going so well.
You should hear the soundtrack to this photo.

meoooowwwwwwwaaaaaawwwwwwrrrrrrrrr
ccccccckkkkkkkkkssss

I am very impressed at Morticia's choice of the high ground though. Unquestionably intelligent.
And female.

Best Shot Monday : Sprung!

Behold the cat hater.

She had been on my lap for sometime as I blogged and I was suddenly aware that she had gone. I looked around anxiously and found.....she had switched allegiances! Perhaps his lap is more comfortable than mine? Perhaps she was interested in the movie? She certainly looks interested. And look how much she's grown!!!!!!

For more Best Shots of the week visit Mother May I?

Theme Thursday: Wildlife

You want wild? Teenage kittens are the definition of wild. Nothing is safe. Everything is prey.
The streamers from last week's failed maths lesson were great prey. They were also a little difficult to manage and often appeared to be moving en masse up the hallway.....with Morticia inside! After a shopping trip on Saturday we returned to find the streamers wound around the legs of most of the furniture in the house. I should've taken a photo but I haven't been feeling like taking photos recently as I am so frustrated by cameras.

So this is the 'wildlife' in our house. For more wild things, join Stacey over at the Land of KA.


And although this isn't strictly a Theme Thursday offering...here's a video for good measure!

The Further Adventures of Morticia Part II

Himself is nothing if not melodramatic.

Last night as I blogged and he worked, Morticia purred contentedly on my lap. In a flash, she heard the door open and was off my lap. I didn't worry too much, after all, I assumed he had closed the door and the gap between his exit and her departure from my knee seemed lengthy enough....

After a few minutes he came back in and I looked briefly around.
"Did she make it out the door then?" I ventured, seeing that she was nowhere to be seen.
"What?" Himself demanded.
"Morticia. Did she make it out the door? She doesn't seem to be in here."
"Did she go outside?" he stared at me incredulously,"Well, that's it! She's dead then isn't she? She will have gone over the balcony!!!"

At this point he started noisily looking around the house for her. I began to point out that she probably wouldn't be dead but might indeed be heading for The Gorge but he seemed too upset to pay me much attention. Instead, as he thundered about the place opening cupboards and calling for her; I put the light on and went out onto the balcony.

Of course, there she was. It wasn't, however, as simple as that. She had sensed freedom and also that the edge of the balcony was the escape route. She had also sensed that the edge of the balcony held some strange unnerving danger in the pitch dark so she was running about sticking her head under the rails and withdrawing to look for further options. Of course, eventually she would work out that at one end of the balcony there is a tree which is not too much of a leap and would probably hold her weight but I wanted to delay this Epiphany for as long as possible.

There ensued your classic cat and mouse game. I called her and approached, she approached and retreated as soon as I put out my hand. After remaining deliberately calm and talking to her in a soothing fashion for about 2 minutes I managed to grab her as she hung her head over the edge of the balcony nearest to the tree. As I brought her in Himself gaped in disbelief.

"Where did she come from?"

"She was out on the balcony."

"Unbelievable! I was sure she was dead. Bloody cat."

I suspect to Himself she will always be 'Bloody Cat' but I also suspect that there is a deep, visceral connection there. So deep that he, for one, will not admit it!!!

Later last night we had the Big Cat v Small Cat stand off again. We do not seem to be making any inroads here at all. I sat Pippin on my lap (he's HUGE) and brushed him while he kept up a monotonous, low level growl; reminiscent of a jaguar or bobcat. He seemed quite happy to be brushed if body language was anything to go by but his vocal display made it quite clear that he was not letting down his guard for one minute. Eventually I tried to get around to his front with the brush but he promptly bit me and exited. Stage left even.

Tish just does not get that he doesn't want to play! We will persevere.

*Sigh*

And her most recent trick is running full pelt into the glass door...........

The Further Adventures of Morticia

Every time Himself says "That cat nearly died!" I brace myself.

Last night's story involved our balcony. Granted it is only a first story balcony so we are not talking apartment skyscraper here but it is a significant enough drop to reduce a watermelon to a slick, pink puddle, a feat achieved by No 2 Son for his photography course a few years ago.

Now Himself is a cigar smoker (I know, I know but what can you do?) and often retires onto the balcony next to his work station for a thoughtful puff whilst working. It is an ideal spot for him as he can still see his computer screens through the glass door and he can quietly contemplate his designs from a distance as he gets his nicotine 'hit'. [BUT I DON'T INHALE! yes, yes dear but do you not think it odd that you have not craved a cigarette since you 'stopped' smoking?]

Of course, going out onto the balcony involves opening the door and as we have previously discussed, kittens can be very fast movers, especially when they sense escape from their three room prison is imminent. As Himself tells it, she shot through the door without even a pause to sniff her new surroundings and leapt straight through the bars of the railings seemingly into oblivion.

Except that he caught her. By the tail.

Apparently her front legs were dangling over the edge and he had hold of her tail and some portion of her haunches.
"And she scratched me!" he exclaimed. "Even though I SAVED HER LIFE!!!!!"

I didn't like to point out that as a cat, and a small one at that, she would probably have survived the drop. It seemed cruel to detract from his perceived act of heroism and the obvious pride that this engendered. Anyway, he had prevented her from going AWOL which would have been a more serious problem as she has yet to be vaccinated or speyed! Which reminds me, must phone the vet.......

News From the Salt Mines

What with all the school related things I have been doing recently, as well as the day to day drudgery of housework and keeping the BA on task with her homework and assignments, I don't seem to have much to blog about. Having said that, I keep thinking of things to offer commentary upon and then find that I have no time to do them justice in between designing the next idiot proof worksheet (there is no such thing.....) and marking the next pile of demoralisingly bad maths tests.

More copious quantities of time are apportioned to petting and training Morticia (NOT on the table M, get off my leg, stop climbing the vertical blinds etc etc etc) so that I have barely picked up a camera of late. The shot on the right was my only decent capture of the week and was going to be my Best Shot Monday except that I totally missed Monday in a flurry of sleeping and searching the internet for more worksheets on negative numbers. *sigh*

Anyway, it's not that great a shot but I did like it because I caught her in natural light so she didn't end up with Devil Cat red-eye. It's quite a nice shot of her ginger 'eyebrow' too.

In fact, she has totally captivated the whole household, with the notable exception of Pippin, the big cat. He spent 45 minutes this morning growling at her in an unhappy, cat like way as she persisted in stalking him, springing vertically up at him and then running away. I expected him to swipe her at any minute but he just kept up this low, monotonous caterwaul and backed off a few more paces every time she leaped. She just did NOT take a hint. In the end, sensing his growing agitation and aware that she may come to a swift and violent end if I pushed my luck very much further, I put him out. I am hoping that continued exposure to each other will break down the barriers but that currently seems a long way off.

Meanwhile, back at school we have had the annual Open Evening which is, according to the staff handout, a Big Deal and required an entire day without lessons to 'set up'. This brought up an interesting observation for me. Who knew being a teacher was actually a popularity contest?

You see, kids are obliged to give an hour or two of their time during the preparation day to help a teacher. This help can involve; pinning up posters, cleaning desktops, constructing displays or making explanatory signs on the computer. Alternately they may be appearing in the performances during the evening or manning stalls and classroom displays throughout the 3 hour extravaganza. For a few weeks prior to the event the teachers, armed with green 'roster' sheets, endeavour to enlist the help of reluctant students. This seems to involve a great deal of begging and cajoling even though the numbers of students far outstrip the numbers of teachers nevertheless, well before the day, many teachers had hordes of willing volunteers signed up to help. Not me though. Maths is not a subject which inspires a great degree of love or loyalty.

Despite my requests, nay pleading, for volunteers, my roster was bare. All over the school pupils busily assisted teachers in the Music, PE, Drama and even History areas (as they constructed a trench from World War One). My room was empty. In the classroom next door, the German teacher had about 15 kids lining up to help!! Can you imagine how demoralising that is? But wait! What is that smell? That delicious aroma emanating from Das Deutschzimmer?? Turns out she was offering hot chocolate and cookies! I obviously have a lot to learn about secondary kids.

The bright spot was that a bunch of my lovely year eight girls turned up cos they felt sorry for me and made instructions for games. Even more importantly, two of the African boys also fronted which I was especially delighted about (even if I did have to re-do everything they did)!! I was brought rapidly back to Earth however when they left after an hour announcing,
"Be sure you tell Mr Stupid Principal that we came!"

So, threats or 'bribed by cookies'? Pity or 'cupboard love'? At least my pupils came to help for real, if slightly negative reasons.

Next year I might play hip-hop and supply popcorn.

The Adventures of Morticia

Although this little cutie here is not our very own Morticia, I felt I needed an image to prepare you for the second story I have to share with you from my very long week. I do not have an image from the actual incident, although, when you have heard the story, you will realise just how precious a fly-on-the-wall image like that would have been!

As you can see from the picture here, cats have a fascination with running water. Morticia, who has been confined to one end of the house for the past two weeks as she acclimatises, has recently been allowed up the hall and into the bedrooms. Being quite little and very fast, she can make it from one end of the house to the other before you know where she is.

This then is what happened to Himself as he made his way to our ensuite to relieve himself on Friday night. He was unaware of the presence of a kitten in the bedroom. He was unaware as he positioned himself in front of the bowl that a pair of beady eyes observed him from behind. The first he knew of it was the acute alarm triggered by a small furry black object shooting up from between his ankles, launching herself at the 'water feature' and losing her balance on the rim of the toilet seat.

This alarm and the speed of the change in his circumstances is to blame for what happened next.
The cat teetered on the edge of the bowl and fell head first into the 'stream'. Himself, in shock and immediately protective of the 'about to drown' kitten, was unable to stop the flow but lurched forward in order to grab, and thus save, said kitten. In the process, he pee-ed on the cat, his hand, parts of the bathroom and ended up holding a wet and struggling kitten in one hand and sorting himself out with the other all accompanied by loud bellowing and extremely colourful language.

He stormed out of the bedroom holding the kitten at arm's length and thundered at the BA,
"Your cat has just jumped into the toilet!!!!!"
The BA clasped Morticia to her bosom and made soothing noises.
"Awww what have you been doing little kitty cat ...is the big man frightening you.....coochie coochie etc etc"
"And I hadn't FLUSHED!!!!!!!!"
This time it registered in the BA's brain and the poor kitten was now thrust away to arms length at light speed, accompanied by shrieking and 'pth pth pth' sounds!!

Morticia was duly washed and seems none the worse for her adventure although I suspect Himself is traumatised. He may have to sit down to pee for the rest of his life. At least then he can see what's coming!!

Despite all this he seems to be quite fond of her. She went missing for 5 minutes this afternoon and he was seen out on the balcony calling her with definite concern in his voice. She, of course, turned up, sitting neatly in the middle of the floor, from 'who knows where' as kittens often do after they've been asleep. He seemed very relieved to see her and before long she was sitting in pride of place on his office chair while he patted her indulgently.

We may make a cat lover out of him yet.

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Best Shot Monday: A Boy and His Cat

I know this is technically a terrible photo and I do not have sufficient skill to touch it up in any way but I just love the look on his face and the size of the kitten. Actually it shows how small the Small Boy is!!!!!

He was very excited to arrive on Friday and find Morticia. There was a great deal of dragging ropes around the house and other boy like methods of entertaining a young cat. Morticia seemed happy to oblige.

Scamper over to Mother May I to see other people's favourite shots of the week.

More Cat Stuff

I have decided it is very difficult to photograph small kittens. They rarely look at you when you want them to and using the flash on black fur gives a harsh contrast which does not sufficiently show her fluffiness! Here she is making a nuisance of herself. The BA took this one of her asleep on my lap. She had worn herself out with climbing up our legs and falling off the back of armchairs. She is currently in Himself's arms but he is refusing to be photographed! Actually I don't know who is worse, him or the cat! I can't count the number of pictures I have of that man sticking his tongue out at me.

But back to kittens. I think she has grown already. She has well and truly ticked off our big cat who is mostly sitting in the hallway refusing to come into the kitchen and hissing. A lot. Still, he's generally a miserable bugger anyway. His one sole claim to fame as a kitten is having 'wrapped up the house' in wool one day when we were out. We walked in to a tangle of wool which went around all the tables and chairs and in and out of three rooms. It was quite spectacular. Not sure why I didn't take a photo. Still, he hasn't done much worth speaking of since then although he seems to have taken a shine to no 2 Son. Perhaps he senses a kindred disgruntled spirit. It is similarly difficult to get a pleasant word out of either of them.

Get back to work woman! You have still to mark some woeful Y9 percentage tests.
My life is so full of excitement.

Oh My Lord What Have I Done????

Well, it was Mother's Day and I thought I would give myself a little present.

She's 8 weeks old and her name is Morticia.

She is unbearably sweet.

Even Himself is grudgingly captivated when not bellowing
"Get her out from under my feet before I squash her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Our other cat (Pippin: The Anti-Pet) is traumatised beyond belief but he only has himself to blame as he won't sit on anyone's lap.

Frantically marking really poor attempts at converting decimals to fractions.......must go.