In The 'Anything But Pink' Corner We Have........

Come on you lot.......put up your dukes....surely there's SOMETHING you disagree with????
I almost thought KT was going to take me on re: mobile phones but I re-read her comment

"The mobile phone thing? a phone doesn't have to have service for it to be able to dial 911. Why do the kids need to be able to call you? That's not safety - that's convenience. for the parents. "

and realised she was on my side.

For those of you who may be lurking and secretly thinking, "Yes, but I need to know where Johnny is and at least with a phone I can find out." or "At least he or she can call me if they are stranded somewhere." or "but I don't like Susie being alone on the bus with all those strangers..." or "if I'm running late I can let Betty know.." or "if Sammy is worried he can call me for reassurance...........>:-("

Come on!!! Get out of the shadows! I'll take you!!! I've got an answer for ALL of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first point of reference was the shocking murder of two little girls in the UK in 2002. What was it that lead the police to their killer? A mobile phone. Did it prevent those girls from being murdered? No.

I am quite interested actually in what the statistics are for 'near misses' and actual murders that involve mobile phones. Maybe we just don't hear of the near misses? Certainly in many highly publicised cases there have been mobile phones which did nothing to assist the victims in getting out of the situation. A mobile phone in itself will NOT keep your child safe.

As for finding out where your kids are......well I'm sorry, but at the ages I am considering (7-14), you should KNOW where they are and there should be a responsible adult in charge of supervision and that adult should be someone you know and trust. (ie go and MEET the parents of the kids your child socialises with). If they are older than 14....and you want to 'check up' on them...you can guarantee they will tell you anything you want to hear on the phone. Or better still, screen their calls and refuse to answer. "Oh, my battery must have been flat....I was out of range....there was no network......" puhlease! Look, either you trust them or you don't. Don't rely on the phone.

"Susie alone on the bus with strangers"? "If Sammy is worried."? Who is need of reassurance here? At some point (and I trust the parents will have made a decision about this based on their child's life skills, confidence and general common sense), with preparation, your children must go out INTO THE WORLD. You did. You don't need to ring them every five minutes to check if they're breathing.

"If I'm running late": where is your child waiting? At school? They have phones. At sport? The coach has a phone. At another child's house? Hello.....landlines. At the Mall.......if they are of an appropriate age to be at the Mall on their own they are old enough to wait the extra ten minutes.

The bottom line for me is that giving a child a mobile phone for safety is an 'adult' justification for giving in to the pressure from children to have what everyone else has. What do they really want a phone for at that age? Let me share a few, if not 'horror' then at least 'grimace' stories.

My friends gave their 9 and a half year old an old phone with credit. During a visit, we adults went out and the kids had a sleep over at a mutual friends' house. At about 10pm, at the dinner party, Dad received a call from daughter who couldn't get to sleep as she was used to dad laying down with her as she drifted off. To our complete astonishment dad left the party and trooped off to oblige. His wife was furious.

Aside from the issues of attachment of both father and daughter, my greatest concern was for the friends who were babysitting. On checking later, it appeared that dad had appeared on the doorstep saying Kitty was upset and needed help to go to sleep. The friends were mortified! She had not mentioned to them that she was upset. As far as they knew the two kids were upstairs chatting and 'going to sleep' as girls do at a sleepover. Had they known she was unsettled they would have attended to her and if all else failed...phoned dad. They felt their credibility and reliability had been undermined.

Another example occurred at a birthday party the BabyAngel had in 2006. Her 6 best friends were altogether for a sleepover when we discovered them using their mobile friends to send text messages. When challenged as to the need for sending messages at a party they assured us that they were texting friends. "But all your best friends are here ," I argued. No response. I ended up insisting that they turn their phones off. I met calls of "But what if we want to call our parents?" with "Tell me and I will phone them on the landline."

My belief is that they were texting their second best friends to taunt them over not being at the party. Not in so many words perhaps.....but making it clear that they were altogether and the other girls were not. The Baby Angel was sheepish when I suggested this after the event. I think she got the message.

Our neighbour's daughter regularly used her phone on the way to school in my car. She was texting her friend at school to tell her how far away she was. They often exchanged 3 texts (ie 5-6 in total) in a 20 minute trip. I am glad I was not paying the bill. Even the Baby Angel rolled her eyes.

These examples illustrate the two main reasons kids want phones. The first is to have the immediate on-call reassurance of mum and dad about a range of events in every day life. The second is to impress friends. This is the much more sinister of the two. Unchecked it can lead to cyber bullying and real on-going unhappiness for many kids.

The poor Baby Angel does not have a mobile phone and will not for at least another 18 months. I will not subsidise technological one-upmanship and I will continue to a) supervise my daughter and her contacts and b) encourage independence in generally safe, everyday situations. (the bus...a sleepover....netball training). I do not see why I should pay good money for her to have what is at best a luxury and at worst an instrument of gossip, maliciousness and bullying.

You may ask why I put the 18 month time frame on things? Well by then, at 14, I expect she will be going to the pictures or ice skating etc with friends. There may then be a convenience aspect re transport etc. By then I hope she will have got over the need to use the thing for the sake of it. She will also be able to work and therefore pay her own bills.

I urge all like minded people to encourage friends etc who are considering the early purchase of phones to really analyse WHY they are providing them. When my father and I had this conversation a few months ago...it boiled down to the fact that 'she wanted one'. That is not good enough. I want world peace and a million dollars.....but I don't think dad is likely to get it for me.