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Lily the Leer, The Black Widow, Pippin 'One Tooth'

Attention: Anyone in the vicinity of the Baby Angel's room on the afternoon of 27th January 2011.

It is believed that one of these shady characters is responsible for that most foul of all feline crimes: the infamous runny poo deposited dead centre of the quiltcover!!!!!!!

On re-entering her bedchamber at approximately 6pm on the night in question, Miss Baby Angel, fresh from her recent holiday in Sydney and excitedly anticipating the 'new' room created for her by her loving mother, was greeted by the tell tale stench of 'kitty motion'. The offending material was quickly spotted lying, obviously with intent, in the centre of the bed.

The above suspects all have means and opportunity although which one has motive is open to investigation.

FACT: Lily the Leer was present during the rearranging of the room and was seen behaving in an agitated manner, climbing onto all surfaces and nervously sniffing the new layout.

FACT: Pippin aka 'One Tooth' is the principal feline occupant of said bedroom, preferring it over any other, and has prior 'form' having been 'caught in the act' by Himself on our arrival at the new house some 6 years ago.

Question: should the laws of evidence apply here and should Pippin's previous record be struck from the transcript and the jury asked to disregard it?

And what of The Black Widow? A notorious murine assassin and launderer of bodies. Was this a diversion on her part to distract us from her murderous nocturnal activities and the ostentatious 'Ripper' like display of her victims in public places?

Anyone with information is encouraged to call CrimeWatch on 1300 POO. A reward is offered as I have it on good authority that the victim is suffering a sense of humour failure over the whole incident and her Mater has not recovered from the containment exercise *gag gag*

Thank you for your kind attention.

So Long Ipod

Thank you for your commiserations all. All joking aside I am devastated and I suspect there is no returning to be had. Unless some of the worship music I had on there actually makes an impression on the thief....? There was that business on Calvary after all. Perhaps there is a higher purpose to all this?

Chris: I know, I know I should have picked it up but I was sooooo close to the end of the workout and I keep trying to break my own records and I didn't want to have to start all over and there is only a very small space between the treadmill and the wall and I forgot people get OFF treadmills and walk behind you to get out....and I CANNOT BELIVE SOME BASTARD WAS SO LOW AS TO NICK IT WHEN I WAS RIGHT THERE!!!!!!IT WAS ONLY 4 MINUTES FOR F*CKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!I cannot tell you how gutted I am. I tear up like a baby every time I think of it.

Post Script: Now I think of it, why is that woman in mourning looking so goddamned cheerful down there??

In Mourning

Did you know there is a certain speed at which an ipod exits a treadmill which causes it to, through a strange mix of physics and ethics, reach a critical velocity and angle of trajectory that opens up a small tear in the time space fabric and swallows the ipod completely. This renders it untraceable, regardless of the number of times you get on your hands and knees, raise the incline on the treadmill and peer underneath.

Of course, some bastard may just have stolen it as they passed behind me in the last 4 minutes of my workout. If only I had stopped the machine and picked it up immediately.

The BA was optimistic. "Don't worry mum, no-one will have stolen it. It's a ladies gym." I reluctantly informed her that most thieves look like everyone else and are not confined to the male persuasion. I half heartedly checked my phone this morning to see if they had tried phoning me after finding that the torn time space continuum had miraculously reopened, dropping my beloved ipod into some hidden corner of the treadmill. But no.

What will I do at the gym now? I can't imagine running without my ipod *stifled sob*