Words of Wisdom

Youth is wasted on the young.

Friday, 8 March 2013

Heartbreak Hotel On Repeat

I mentioned a while ago, that one of the reasons I blog less frequently is because the objects of my blogging are now painfully aware of my reporting about them here.
Needless to say most of the interesting things in life are met with,
"And DON'T put this up on your blog mum!"
The BA herself has found some interesting ways around the whole social media thing though.

Once upon a time, she was threatened that if she blocked me on facebook, she would have her internet privileges removed. As a result we are still 'friends' and I still have access to her timeline and those of her friends, but one cannot help notice that they are posting there less and less.
Of course! duh-oh!....they have created a group page, to which parents are NOT privy! They also use other new media sites like tumblr and formspring (which are probably out of date now as I mention them) and move on to the next faddy e-meeting place as quickly as al Qaeda moves base camps. The only up side to this is that they are so involved with themselves, their secret internet meeting sites and their latest shade of lipstick (sorry, did I say that out loud??) that they don't bother checking back in on mother's blog too often. Which is a good thing as I have felt rather gagged of late, when there has been so much to write about.

One of the things I was not allowed to mention when it happened, was the break up of The BA and her first boyfriend. I always knew things like this must be hard for a loving parent to endure, but the reality was as sharp as a knife. She crawled back into my bed like a 4 year old. She cried with wracking sobs that tore at my very soul. She described every little crack in her heart to me....
I like to think I handled it well on the outside, that I was of some comfort, but who knows. At least it was a clear cut case of the young man behaving badly (sheesh...I am so polite here).

He had always intended to go off on a backpacking trip around Asia in his gap year (2012). The farewell at the airport was teary on both sides, and in the first week he face-timed her constantly, giving her a 360 degree laptop view of his surroundings every time they made contact. And then the communication stopped.
He and the BA had been as thick as thieves for two weeks shy of a year when he messaged her on facebook to suggest that they probably couldn't maintain this relationship at a distance. She showed me the message and collapsed into my arms. I encouraged her to find out what had changed. Perhaps he was miffed that she hadn't contacted him? (she had deliberately stopped when his responses became lacklustre). A flurry of messages later and it was clear that he simply wanted his cake and eat it too. In fact, he already HAD eaten it, although of course, as he protested, it didn't mean anything. Oh and additionally, perhaps she was no longer the right cake for him (when there was such a bakery on offer where he was...)

He spent some time rationalising about how different it was to be 'away' and 'travelling', how things just 'happened' and would probably 'happen' again! How this was perfectly natural and those poor souls stuck back in Adelaide would not really understand. She may have bought his load of crock too, except that he made one fatal mistake: he suggested that they might just 'get back together' when he returned home!!!

Fortunately, the BA was surrounded by people who value her and who snorted loudly when they heard his 'suggestion'. She stuck to her guns, didn't see him on his return and has now moved on.
(In a slightly sniggery footnote, I can report that on his return he begged to see her and, when she finally capitulated, was shocked by the depth of his own remaining feelings for her. After a couple of 'chummy' outings, he decided he couldn't see her again until he had 'got over her'. Well, duuuuh young fellow!)

In the meantime, she met Army Boy.

The BA has flown back and forwards from Adelaide to Sydney in her holidays for years. I have become very adept at seeing her off at the airport  and at picking  her up, draped in new clothes and gifts, after her holidays with her dad. In September 2012 she emerged through the flight gate accompanied by quite a nice looking young man! Surely dad had gone a bit far this time???? But seriously, she had been seated next to him on the plane and they had got chatting. As they emerged together, I could hear them swapping phone numbers. She introduced him to me (after a prompt from him I might add) and they agreed to catch up. The following weekend he took her out on a date: lunch at a nice restaurant in the Hills, bowling and a movie!! Like a real 'traditional' date! He left saying he had to dash off to church!!!

This was sounding more and more promising!

Since then, Army Boy has become a fixture and after some coy dancing around the 'nature' of their relationship
(BA: Mum! I have just had my heart broken, do you think I am going to get into a serious relationship again so soon?
Me: But, you only see each other don't you?
BA: Yes
Me: and you don't want to see anyone else do you?
BA: (emphatically) No!
Me; And he doesnt want to see anyone else does he?
BA: (even more emphatically) NO
Me: Then, regardless of what you want to call it ....... he's your boyfriend! 
BA: Oh Mum, you wouldn't understand!!!!!!)
have indeed become an 'item'.

Which is sad because he's just been deployed to Afghanistan. He leaves next Tuesday. I predict tears and there's absolutely nothing I can do to make it better for her :-(                                                                                                                                                       

picture credit 1


Gayle said...

Goodness. We have so many things in common. I also have step-kids... one quit coming here, one has his shit stored in my yard, but doesn't speak to me and the third didn't talk to us for years and now comes around once-in-awhile. I've got the 20 year old who also have a relationship with his video games, the 17 year old is difficult, trouble and just plain mean like his dad was, the 13 year old is moving into the mouthy stage and I still like the two little ones for the time being. LOL This raising kids thing isn't all that easy, is it? I would blog more personal stuff, but it seems I am always in court (and will be again soon) so I have to watch what I say. I'm glad you're blogging more. I enjoying reading.

Arizaphale said...

Thanks Gayle. I too had noticed the number of things we have in common...or should that be 'the similar load we bear'? hahahah

dawn marie giegerich said...

So glad my children are grown and past those bittersweet years although I have a 39-year-old son in Japan with a young damsel ten years his junior and he trying to find work as an English teacher and he was never that good at relationships, so finicky just like his mother. And here comes the thirteen-year-old grandson and he asks this cute young thing with the blonde hair and wealthy background to a school dance and she says no. Will the pain ever end?

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I used to get the "and don't put this on your blog!" too. But then I had the new baby and they're all wondering why they don't show up anymore. :-)

I'm sorry about the heartbreak. I am going to be a mess when it happens to my sweet pea. Her senior class is only ten kids, so she hasn't had a serious boyfriend yet. But I sort of dread the day. :-(

I hope things go much better with army guy. I had the same thing happen to me my senior year of high school actually - being surprised that the guy really and truly thought we be fine to get back together after things "happened" while he was away. So weird.

Arizaphale said...

Hey Dawn: oh I think the grandson thing would be even worse!! I really felt for one of the young men who took her to a dance last year when she informed him they were 'friendzone' only! But he is playing it cool, so maybe she will 'come around' later??? Give your grandson that advice...
Jill, hahahahahah on the new baby thing :-D

Elisa said...

What a jerk that first boy is. Seriously - he thinks he is so manly now because he has some flings? What a stud and a total DUD!! Good riddance although how painful at the time.
Glad she stuck to her guns about not getting back together with him.

Sorry to hear that Army Boy is deploying soon. Brace yourself...get some tissues, rent a few sappy movies to really get all the tears out and just be there for her.

carrie said...

Oh...wow. I never even thought about when the girls get old enough to care what I write about them! Right now when I take a pic they will both ask - are you going to put this on your blog, Mama??

Poor BA. It is so hard being young and in love...and out of love...and in love again!

On a completely different note...my J. (hubby) and his brother are making their epic 40th birthday trip tonight and they are heading to Sydney! I'll have them say a big hello as they fly over!!