In response to this post, Chris wrote
"I do think that you're right that the kids crave the discipline and control more than they would like to admit. But I'm such a wimp about trying to apply it! That's going to have to change, I suppose."
Chris, you sound a lot like Himself. I have to ask...what are you men afraid of? Himself tells me straight. He is afraid his kids won't love him. I cannot make this point strongly enough.....if your foundations are good, if you spend time with your child, are interested in your child, talk to your child KNOW what they are doing, who they are playing with etc..then your child will NOT hate you for applying discipline! Ensure you have a good relationship and the rest follows. From time to time they will tell you they hate you. Because they can. Because they know it's safe to do so. Your feelings for them won't change.
The key thing about applying boundaries is that you do it with love, or at least 'impassionately'.
Be calm and firm. Be the rock they can dash themselves against and still be there to gather them up when the storm is over. Be consistent. Mean what you say. Do not hold a grudge.
But do hold onto your Flaming Sword.
image credit: www.kinn.org.uk/html/
10 comments:
And if you don't start early it becomes so much harder, don't you think? Chris's little one is still young.
I agree 100%! I also think that the fatherly discipline is SO important in a child's life. While I d some of the disciplining, in our house, Andy's influence on the boys is SO much more important. I then, follow his lead, to show the boys who the "real" boss is. haha.
Fantastic post!
Beautifully and passionately written. The lack of discipline at home and more importantly, the lack of a father at all, is THE main thing wrong with MOST of the middle school children that I teach. Fathers just do not realize the void that this causes... Children try so very hard in other inapporpriate ways to fill up this void, and that leads to more serious issues. I cannot agree more with what you have written here.
Amen!
I'm lucky to have a husband who is on the same page that I am when it comes to discipline. Especially when it's about the only thing we agree on.
You couldn't have said it better. I truly believe that next to love, the best thing we can do for our kids is set firm boundaries and enforce them.
WOW - Do I ever agree with you!
Dads often underestimate their roles at home - for whatever reason. But dads - your kids (girls and boys alike) look to you for a solid response...not a wishy washy one. My dad was my rock - I knew he was in my corner and I certainly knew the rules. I never doubted that his discipline was out of love!
Be the parent now - you can be friends when they reach adulthood.
To quote the new phrase floating around these parts - "Gentlemen - time to MAN UP!"
Elisa
Amen to that! It starts out having a solid foundation. Going from there, you can then teach them how to become good little humans. They need to know their boundaries.
I thought my ears were burning whilst in Sweden. Your guy has it right, well not right but certainly the feelings that I have. Dads typically spend less time with their kids than Mums - though that may not be the case with us - and the time they do spend they want to be "fun" time. Not saying it's the right thing, as I said, I agree with you entirely. That's just the thinking. Don't try to apply logic and reasoning to the mysterious and wonderful male mind!
hey that pic is from Perth zoo! anyways woah parenting seems so hard although i dont necessarily think 2 parents male and female is the only way to raise a child successfully, there are a lot of fucked up kids with 'normal' families and a lot of good kids from unconventional ones, but having strong parental figures that are a staying point, having a solid childhood, I do agree with that
"Do not hold a grudge"
Now THAT'S a little lesson so few families learn.
IN the Oz movie "Head On", they ask Alex Dimitriades' character, a 19 year-old living at home, why he lies to his parents so much. He says, "Never tell them the truth; they'll only hold it against you."
Kids will make mistakes--that's why parents are there. Too many parents make their kids pay over and over again for quite reasonable mistakes.
I think at one stage you and I actually discussed the role of comforting and reassuring your child after your'd disciplined him.
It doesn't mean you're not firm. But boundaries shouldn't contract every time they are pushed against.
Do I sense a good deal of recovery in this post?
Love HB8
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