Words of Wisdom

Youth is wasted on the young.

Thursday, 1 August 2013

Looking For The Laughing Place

I know I have been threatening to tell you about the 'big falling out' with Small Boy but there is so much to say on that subject and I choke on the thought of much of it. So here's another thing:

Tonight the Baby Angel bussed back into Adelaide after 10 days with Soldier Boy's family in the country town of Tocumwal. She was tired but happy and as we drove home she started to tell me all about it.
"Mum, they are such a great family. They're like the Brady Bunch. They never fight or anything!"
Suddenly she fell silent and I glanced over at her to see eyes choked with huge, fat tears.
"Don't worry mum," her voice wavered,"It's just end of holiday blues."
But I knew that wasn't really it.
They are the Brady Bunch and we are the Munsters. Actually, the Munsters are probably better adjusted than our family. It's like a knife through my heart.

Part of me feels a terrible guilt for not being able to provide her with a 'normal' family situation. It was never my intention to be a single mother for 10 years or to only have an only child, or to be a step mother to three deeply troubled young men. The other part of me shares her grief. I too miss the easy familiarity of close family and the shared life of close friends. We have never quite nailed that here.

The most ironic and gut wrenching aspect of this is that Small Boy's mother has the social life I crave. She has a group of close friends who all congregate at her house on a Friday night where all kinds of hilarity and 'goodtimes' ensue. I know this because Himself goes there. After the 'big falling out', Small Boy did not come to stay with us for a long time and as a result Himself was forced to make the effort to go over to SBM's place to connect with SB on a weekly basis.

Initially I was delighted that Himself was making the effort and, presumably, connecting with Small Boy in a possibly more meaningful way than he did here at our place. After all, he couldn't simply sit at a computer and work.....Initially it was quite nice having an evening to myself as well, I mean, I am quite capable of entertaining myself. But then the BA started to drive. And took my car to work on a Friday night. And suddenly the evil beast 'Resentment' reared its head.

After all, Himself is a self confessed hermit who operates happily in a bubble as long as he knows his 'other half' is somewhere around. He doesn't necessarily need to interact with said 'other half'. So how is it fair that Bubble Man is going regularly on a Friday night to enjoy the company of others whilst Social Girl is sitting at home watching DVDs, drinking copious quantities of 'soothe yourself' vintage and wondering where the f*** she went wrong with this picture!!!!!!

So, when the BA breaks down and expresses a longing for an integrated family and friends group (something like the mother of Small Boy has) my heart breaks too.

And deep down  know I have the capacity to develop these networks and establish this social network.

I need to do it. For the BA and I.

The rest of them can muddle on regardless.


Stacy said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this!

I came from a brady bunch type of family, too, but we don't live by them anymore. We have made our own group of friends here that we hang out with. We have made our own "village", and you need to do that, too. When I don't get out with the girls enough, I tend to get too hermit-ish. That isn't good for anyone!

dawn marie giegerich said...

Seriously, who wants to live with the Brady Bunch? The only redeemable character was Alice the housekeeper, she actually worked, she produced. All those clips of lazy-ass Mrs. Brady tearing a few lettuce leaves. And put me first in line to strangle that snobbish bitch Marsha. Three troubled sons, to use your term, came from this menagerie, how healthy could that household be?
Your daughter is a brave and protective soul to be concerned about her mother's feelings. You did good.

Anonymous said...

Right. We both need to get off our increasingly fat arses and make sure there's regular hilarity and social engagement. We'll talk over the weekend as I have some suggestions!

Arizaphale said...

You're right Stacy! I need to build a village. And Dawn, thanks. As for you Anonymous.....I think I know who you are now! :-)

Gayle said...

I think that you and I are exactly alike on opposite sides of the world. I also wanted that close family and great group of girlfriends to grow old with. I hate when I see on FB my "friends" getting together for Bunco parties. I want to go. I want to decorate wine glasses to exchange. I want to have fun. And I want a family who gets along instead of a house full who argue constantly. How in the hell didn't I get my white picket fence perfect life? I tried. Apparently not hard enough and now I'm old and it will never happen. As for all the names... I've been away from blogging so long I can't figure out who is who in your family. Dammit.

Arizaphale said...

Hey Gayle...check my Flaming Family page on the tab at the top! I even drew a picture!!

Elisa said...

Oh dear....don't we all long for that elusive Norman Rockwell (or Brady Bunch) family? So easy to long for yet so difficult to produce.

I say find something that you and BA are both interested in and jump in with both feet. While you are having a great time enjoying your activity, you will draw people to you who admire your enjoyment!! Soon, you'll have a group of gal pals to hang with and some semblance of "normalcy" (whatever the heck that is.)

Easier said than done - so go make some plans, NOW! :)

Arizaphale said...

Thanks Elisa. We've been gymming together again recently. Does that count? :-)
I shouldn't be so negative really. I have many wonderful friends; it's just that they're spread out across the city/country/world. Where we ilve is beautiful but not accessible enough to encourage 'drop-ins'. I have recently spent many text messages trying to organise catch-ups with three friends..everyone is so busy too! :-)