There's a single stifled giggle from across the classroom, which quickly becomes less stifled and is rapidly joined by others. I glance up from the co-ordinate geometry I am explaining in time to see several red faced pupils, a couple of desks over, looking my way and choking back guffaws.
They are too far away to be the actual source of this hysteria so my super-fast, patented teacher eyes flick down at the speed of an eyelash to take in the 'usual suspect' perched innocently on his chair, right next to me. At about the level of my butt.
Now, had this little angel been bent forward, intent on his probability revision, he would be nowhere near my butt.........but........
"What's going on Luke (not his real name)," I enquire sweetly; voice laced with honeyed venom.
His long lashed, wide eyed mock innocent baby blues look brazenly up into mine. This kid is going for the Oscar.
"Why nothing, Mrs A! I'm just doing my maths."
The stifled mirth around me cracks the dam wall and spills over into fully fledged belly laughs.
This is not good.
As any teacher knows, when you are up against it like this, it is best to work with the humour. Think fast; what has probably been happening? My bent over posture would mean he was pretty close to my butt. Was he making gestures? Sticking something on it? No I would have felt that. Gestures maybe..... I take a chance.
Straightening up I glance down at my rear end and then fix him with a death adder smile.
"Well, Luke, all I can say is I'm glad someone is still interested in my arse after all
His beetroot red flush was gratifying to behold.
The deafening roar of laughter from the rest of his classmates was the icing on the cake.
Who said teaching secondary doesn't have its moments?
Post-Script: Some judicious questioning of his mates, later, leads me to believe that what he was actually doing was taking photos of my butt with his mobile phone! Well, whatever floats your boat I guess!!!