Words of Wisdom

Youth is wasted on the young.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

The Following Day

He called his father at 7.30pm the next day and asked to be picked up from the bus station at 8.20pm. My first reaction was to suggest he found his own way home but Himself, ever dutiful and 'caring', hopped in the car and responded to the finger click. When they arrived home I waited for the fireworks.
There were none.
There were no consequences.

At 2.30am that night/morning the Small Boy was on the phone to his mother again, crying, anxious and desperate.

His world is out of control. He is controlling the adults and it does not feel safe.

His mother has taken him to a psychologist since then and apparently there have been blood tests. I hope they're testing for drugs. Nothing like ice afterglow to give you paranoia and 'bad thoughts'.

Since then, Himself and I are barely speaking. Small Boy went back to his mother's mid week last week when Himself had a country trip to do for work. When I asked when he was coming back, I got a snarled "He's not." This is apparently because we are selling the house but if truth be known, I am merely speculating at Himself's motivation in sending the boy away. Could be to save himself the trouble of confrontation, could be to keep me out of the equation.....

I texted The Small Boy a few nights ago and got a mild "I'm fine. I'll let you know if I need anything." I'm not sure there's much more I can do.

I think I'm done here. It's been nearly 9 years and the realisation that nothing is going to change crashed over me with the force of a breaker which has hung, curled over my head for so long. I don't want to watch this train wreck of a relationship anymore. I don't want to be asked for advice and then ignored. I don't want to see the hurt in that boy's eyes and the casual lies he tells to cover for his spineless parents. "I have a caring family."

You have a lazy father Small Boy. He is lazy in all his relationships and you deserve so much more.

5 comments:

dawn marie giegerich said...

Good luck with all of this. You are in such a difficult place. You need to go away, get away, some place neutral, painless. You deserve better than this. You will not be able to think realistically in this toxic environment. Get out, take things slowly and take care of yourself.

Arizaphale said...

Thanks for the support Dawn. I'm working on it!

Stacy said...

What Dawn said, most wholeheartedly.

Jill Herzberg Morgenstern said...

I'm so sorry Arizaphale. He does deserve more. It's hard to believe it's the same little boy that you've been posting about all these years, the one with the beautiful smile. :-(

Arizaphale said...

I know Jill. It breaks my heart. Thanks to you too Stacy, for your words of encouragement.