I recently discovered a folder on my blogger Posts page, entitled 'Drafts'. As I was looking for something, I opened it, obviously for the first time ever, because it contained 25 drafts! Most were one or two lines, penned late at night and somehow never completed, but I did find one or two meaty entries which took me back to a time, not so long ago, but when things were very different. Here's one from 2012.
I find myself in a wild and interesting time of life. My Baby Angel, that long streak of misery that towers over me (with delight), is in her final year at school and, just like the old days, I'm on the ride with her.
Year 11, the lead up to this 'final showdown', was a crap year all around and for that I have to take a fair bit of the blame. She had seemed to be doing so well. She had seemed to be so well balanced and so capable; I totally overestimated her capacity to cope with multiple focus pullers.
Firstly there was the trauma of Alma Mater. I know there are friends and family out there who felt strongly that we had done the wrong thing by supporting the school and returning in the face of 'the inevitable' but many lovely and wonderful things took place in that first, and last, semester; were they worth it?
Then there was work. McDonalds certainly gave her a thorough grounding in the drudgery of the workplace. She obviously did a good job as the shifts came thick and fast. Saturday night, all of Sunday and the occasional weeknight shift if someone couldn't make it; the money was good.
In the meantime she had been preparing for the discipleship mission trip to Vanuatu. There were weekends away, regular meetings with mentors and reflections to be submitted to our pastor.
But wait! There's more! On top of all that (and netball) she was taking part in the Scotch College production of 'the Wizard of Oz'. Being a theatre lover myself and knowing what joyful distraction a production can provide, I had encouraged her to audition. Was it the right thing to do? I don't know. She certainly enjoyed the experience.....
All up we had to admit there was too much going on. After her first failure to hand something up, we canned the job. The musical had a limited life and Vanuatu came and went. And then we learned that there was no future for the school as we knew it.
Through a series of amazingly blessed connections and circumstances we got the BA enrolled at another welcoming and accommodating school. Of course she spent the next 4 weeks getting to know people and meeting her future boyfriend. Huh. I don't remember that being in the sign up package!!!!
And that's where I abandoned the post. In retrospect, I think it was a time where blogging was being replaced by facebook and where life itself became so stressful that I was finding it difficult to write. That was the year I had the Big Falling Out with the Small Boy and my marriage began to slowly but surely rip apart at the seams.
Interestingly, I feel like we are right at the end of that same Rollercoaster ride, even now. The BA took some time to sort herself out after finishing school and doing that world travelling thing. Now, after a disastrous first attempt at Uni, she seems interested and motivated this year. Although I am far from finished with the process of separating from Himself, he is at least physically removed from the scene which makes things a lot less stressful on a day to day basis. There are still a few corkscrew finales to work through. Will this house ever sell? If not, what then? Where will I end up living and what other changes will I invite into my life as I rediscover some of my lost passions?
Join me on this ride if you will folks! I could do with the company....